Overpowered Wizard

Zarian jolted out of his bedroll. Something attached to his back yanked him to a sudden stop, leading to his hand plowing through the stone floor before he slipped and smacked his face, forming a crater three feet wide and half a foot deep.

Laying still, he caught his breath while still halfway into the dream world. He vaguely recalled there being a laughing jokester who caught him by the waist and flipped him into…

Zarian shook his head. He focused on the present moment. He saw behind him that his parasite was rooted into the courtyard floor and further below. That was the reason he jerked to a stop suddenly.

Using the perception of his Aura Mastery, a quick scan revealed Para had kept busy while he slept for who knew how long. The cloak had stretched, expanded, and became an exploratory structure of root-like tentacles.

She’d spread herself ridiculously far while conducting a monstrous crusade of legendary proportions. Caverns where there should’ve been monsters deep under the surface were barren of them, allowing more casual flora and fauna to exist undisturbed.

If he were to check his notifications for defeats, he would probably get a waterfall of enemy types that Para had consumed, let alone the ones they’d beaten in the Grimrock Hell Gate.

Zarian directed his aura perception to follow a specific stalk of Para’s growth and saw why she hadn’t turned her attention to him – she was in the middle of fighting corrupted creatures burrowed deep under the castle mountains. He felt his aura dip and rise as Para cast multiple spells, drained aura out of the monsters, and swung many whips and scythes and whatnot.

He also noticed a camp of humans hanging out near the battle wall in the basin over yonder, about a mile away. It wasn’t hard for Zarian to figure out most of them were adventurers from the Windy Strider Kingdom.

Para had roots and growths spread underneath them. At any moment, she could slaughter and consume all a thousand of them.

“The depths of Para’s capabilities are still fathomless to me,” Hannah said from Zarian’s left. Turning to her, he saw Hannah sitting at a workbench while tinkering with the big black thing of a sword. “I woke up yesterday, by the way. Gilbert woke up a few days before us. He’s fishing at a castle lake half a mile to the southeast. Naomi and Bianca are still unconscious.”

Zarian turned and saw that Bianca was back to being human. She was in a bedroll next to Naomi, both women deep in slumber. He imagined Bianca would wake up next, leaving Naomi last.

Zarian looked up at the twinned suns high in a clear blue sky day. There were scant blocky clouds in the distance. He noticed the heat and reasoned it was Mid Summer.

“It’s been a whole year.” Zarian could hardly believe it.

“Indeed, it has.”

Hannah stood from the bench. She was dressed casually: a white billowy shirt, dark red britches, and white sandals. Various golems waddled, whizzed, or orbited around her.

Hannah used aura and enchanted magic to heft the giant sword. She had it laid down in front of Zarian with a gentle drop.

Then she said, “I did all I can to push it to the top of legendary quality. But I couldn’t get to mythical just yet. Oh, and we haven’t checked our notifications, of course. Thankfully, the Star System isn’t being a pest with its dinging.”

“I think as long as I’m alive and dandy, the Star System is a friend. He has bigger things to … deal with.” Zarian trailed off as he tried to remember what happened in his dream. “I was somewhere special while asleep. Like an astral projection scenario.”

“Tell me before you forget.” Hannah dropped to her knees next to Zarian.

The son of ultra gods sat back against the thick stalk Para had become. Then, to his surprise, Para reshaped the stalk attached to him.

She turned into a grand throne of glimmering red leather, bone spikes, white spines, sharp teeth, and various bestial skulls, some with horns. Apparently, she was paying more attention now, and he could feel that through their connection.

She was probably giving him time to sort himself out. Or maybe she needed time to sort herself out after being independent and monstrous for nearly two weeks.

Zarian relaxed into his throne, with Hannah still knelt before him, the giant sword laid between them.

“You don’t have to kneel,” Zarian said.

“I don’t mind. Now go on about the dream,” Hannah said sternly.

You and Lady Rhea have such a weird complex about authority, Zarian thought to himself.

He moved on quickly before he forgot the dream, which was weird. His Thematic Law/Floridian Mindset usually made his mind a steel trap.

It was as if the memories were actively trying to escape, but he caught on to enough to get the gist.

“I think I was spying in on a cosmic meeting. Outside of the Star System. It was like … a multiverse meeting between different Systems of different universes. I think they were arguing, threatening the Star System. They wanted to break in, and the Star System was getting pressed hard. Then … he showed up.”

Hannah leaned forward, her hands gripping tensely on her knees. Zarian noticed how the brown of her eyes glowed with a bronze light. Her puzzle-like and mechanical aura shifted with a frenzy.

“A jokester. A prankster. That bastard.” Zarian growled, becoming enraged as he remembered more things clearly. “He swooped in and grabbed my astral dream self and GERMAN SUPLEXED me! Ugh!”

Zarian threw up middle fingers into the sky. “Fuck off, Funnest Granpapa!”

Before Hannah could reply, a green streak with a white-purple top bolted through the air.

Zarian barely got his arms spread open in time before his daughter crashed into his chest. Thankfully, he was tough enough to endure the impact and the crushing hug from Foodie, because she would’ve splattered weaker men.

“Hello, Father!” she greeted cheerily, her big ears waving up and down. Her adorable smile and cat-like eyes snuffed out his anger as she looked up at him. “Who is it that rouses your wrath? If I’m strong enough, I will hunt them for you. I’ll chop them up and cook them into stew and eat them.”

Zarian sighed. He combed his fingers through her hair. It was growing back to its former mohawk glory. Though it would take a while to get the dangling braid from before.

At the very least, Foodie was looking far better than before. She must’ve been eating well, because he could see she’d put on some healthy weight.

“As amusing as it would be to do that to the Funnest, he’s family. And he’s at the top of our family tree,” Zarian explained.

“Our family tree?” Foodie said in a low voice.

“Yeah. You’re a Darkrun now. It should show–”

“It does. It’s in my profile. I’m officially called Foodie Darkrun,” she piped up, her words ringing with truth and grand ultra magic. Zarian smiled, and Foodie shivered, eyes fluttering, before she continued. “I just didn’t know it means I am part of a grander family. I also have Shadowfell Daughter in my origins, too.”

“Well, there you go. You are now part of a family of ultra gods.”

As Foodie froze up, overwhelmed with emotion, Zarian shifted her into a comfortable position on his knee. He looked down from his throne at Hannah and saw a calculating glint in her eyes.

Sighing, he said, “I can’t adopt you. It has to be earnest, I feel, not something you can cheat or min-max. There was a force or something inside of me that wanted to adopt Foodie, and it felt authentic enough.”

Hannah glanced away. “I figured as much. Still, there are all these esoteric things about you that remain unquantifiable and it annoys me. Like the POV Shift. Or the magic surrounding the Darkrun name. And everything else.”

“Sorry.”

“Please, don’t apologize.”

“She is right, Father. You shouldn’t have to apologize for being so grand and ultra!”

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Zarian laughed. He thought about whether he should say sorry less or more. He decided it didn’t matter. He wanted to say what came from the gut and people could take it how they wanted.

For the next week, Zarian remained seated on his throne while doing some light drafting in preparation for upgrading his first spell. Para hunted down monsters around the castle mountains and deep in the caverns. Gilbert went back and forth from their small camp in a mountaintop courtyard to his new favorite fishing spot.

Both the happy fisherman and carnivorous parasite provided some catches to Foodie. She also went hunting in the wilds with her giant cleaver to add more food to the supply.

She cooked three courses a day, and each one was beyond satisfying and delicious. If she wasn’t cooking, and if Zarian wasn’t working on wizardry, she would kneel before his throne. The little goblin girl, a new royal daughter of ultra gods, listened to Zarian retell the adventures from the past year.

He watched as her eyes opened wide and her ears moved up or down in response to his tales. Sometimes she would grab his leg and shake it whenever he held her in suspense.

Zarian had never felt such happiness before.

Was the main quest really about saving a mythical cook and getting aggressive stat growths? Or was it for something deeper?

Zarian had no idea. Spending time with Foodie felt like a whimsical dream. His stories had her shouting in surprise, crying, or bouncing around like an excited goblin. He loved every frank showing of her emotions and how she looked up to him.

Hannah chimed in while tinkering away at minor projects at her workbench. Sometimes she turned to reading some journals and tomes Zarian had taken from the Grimrock Warlock’s vault.

Zarian also noticed Hannah rereading the same journal they’d gained as a reward from the Devouring Librarian Dungeon last year. It was the journal that should help find the entrance to the Forgotten Kingdom Dungeon.

Eventually, Bianca woke up next with a typical and cheery scream that reached far across the castle mountains.

Zarian snickered as the thousand strider adventurers camped in the basin became all spooked and wary. Bianca was so powerful her morning scream could scare people a mile away.

After her rousing scream, Bianca zipped free from her bedroll and crashed into him, taking a seat in his lap. As she blabbered about random dreams and how happy she was to be human again, Foodie walked around the corner while hauling a beast for cooking.

She saw Bianca, squinted, then jumped into the middle to secure her father’s lap for herself.

Before Foodie could establish lap dominance, Bianca screamed again, shocking the goblin. Bianca gathered Foodie into her arms, and Zarian just sat there, enduring the chaos on his lap.

Gilbert came around brunch, dropped off some more fish, and shook his head in a judging manner at Zarian and the two princesses occupying the wizard’s lap. Then Gilbert left to go fish some more, taking his snooty judgment with him. And regardless of all the activities happening, Hannah kept her nose in her studies.

After a few more days, while three weeks into Mid Summer, Naomi finally woke up. Zarian’s heart raced.

Without him asking, Para finally disengaged from her campaign to excavate, slaughter, and consume monsters. That was fine, because she damn near emptied the monster population that lived under the Grimrock Castle Mountains.

She slurped up everything into the cloak and Zarian’s back. Miles and miles of expanded root structures, predatory forms of giant maws, grand tendrils that could snatch up giants, and more.

It felt like a lot, and Zarian imagined the practice of stretching herself out complexly might’ve improved Para immensely. Either way, her competent genocide would leave her mark on monster population here for years to come, making the castle mountains a safer place.

Once para reeled herself back into being an edgy and shiny cloak, Zarian became free to move again. He crashed into Naomi, who groaned with a parched throat and three weeks of morning breath.

“I need to take a dump again,” Naomi mumbled. “And I still feel shitty.”

Zarian chuckled. “I don’t need to do that anymore. My body doesn’t produce waste.”

“Carry me,” Naomi grunted. “Please.”

He picked her off the floor, and she acted dainty while in his arms.

Once again, Foodie came around the corner with a new beast dragged behind her. She squinted. Her ears flattened to the sides of her head.

She stood still, her head turning. Her eyes followed Zarian and Naomi as they floated off to the bathroom area.

Zarian shivered from the judgmental weight of his daughter’s glare. The weight compounded as the ring on his left hand pinched a little more, but his wife remained a distant figure still.

Zarian let Naomi do her business behind him as he looked out over a mountainous rampart edge. He was going to comment about the beautiful view when an entire castle mountain collapsed in on itself.

It happened right next to the same castle lake Gilbert fished at religiously.

Zarian watched as the massive structure came tumbling down. Walls imploded. Statues fell to ruin. Large and thick columns, ancient spires, and sprawling courtyards became part of a churning debris fall. Tons and tons of stone roared as they moved in a cascade.

The castle lake Gilbert had made into a second home ended up buried. Then, after all the roaring and falling, things became still again.

A keening noise filled the air. That noise then became the hoarse howl of a tormented man.

“LORD, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?” roared the poor, poor fish-happy Christian.

“I believe that was my fault,” Para said from the cloak. “I excavated a little too much under that mountain.”

“Yup,” Zarian said.

“I should apologize.”

“Eh, maybe not yet.”

“WHY MUST I SUFFER?” Gilbert hollered.

Zarian rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, so give it a few days. Let’s just wait until he calms down, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I don’t know why,” Naomi said from behind the wizard and cloak, “but that had to be the second best dump ever. First being the one after I made a bitch out of Jack. But this one was awesome. Must be something special in the mountains. Or Gilbert’s crying. Probably both.”

For the rest of that day, they hung about and did little much of anything.

Zarian caught up with Naomi about the events that had transpired in his dream. She found it amusing that the Funnest Granpapa had appeared and gave Zarian a German Suplex.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times Zarian explained the story, he still couldn’t describe how the old man looked. His appearance always remained on the peripherals, mostly as a shadow or as a blobbed figure.

Zarian also didn’t know the multiverse outcome between the Star System and the other Systems. Maybe the Funnest helped resolve it after he slammed Zarian’s dream-self out of the way.

Gilbert sat morosely in the corner. Hannah did some light reading in another corner. Bianca and Foodie cooked together, the legendary blonde princess becoming a protege of the mythical goblin princess.

Bianca’s meals wouldn’t come out as magical as Foodie’s cooking. They were still tasty, however, and became a bit more magical when Foodie added a touch of her abilities.

Spectral spiders scurried and danced about. Golems came and went on routine patrols or to handle tasks for their crafter.

Loner had on a new black trench coat that made him look cooler at the cost of appearing more edgy. He led around a thousand new human skeletons, catching them up with certain procedures.

Apparently, a troublesome adventurer group had come around and caused Princess Cook Foodie some problems. They were like the one group camping out in the basin. But unlike them, they didn’t listen to Foodie Darkrun.

Zarian figured some folks had to learn the meaning of ‘fuck around and find out’ the hard way. He didn’t question it any further for now and would talk to the remaining group later.

Everybody was fine and healthy, especially Naomi.

The two fellow Marines shared a sofa together made from Para’s body. They also shared a blanket, which Para also made.

“My birthday passed,” Naomi said, leaning against Zarian’s side.

Zarian combed through her curly hair. He ignored the bleeding from his ring finger. “We’ll have to make up for it.”

That night, Foodie somehow made a cake for Naomi from leftover ingredients she had in stock, plus stuff she sourced from the wilds. Everyone had a slice, with Naomi having the biggest one of all.

“Thank you,” Naomi said. “This is honestly the nicest birthday I’ve ever had.”

They were all standing around a cubic table Hannah had made lickety split. Nobody felt like sitting right now.

Zarian stood next to Naomi and saw the corners in her eyes glimmering with some wetness.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Bianca,” Naomi warned half-heartedly.

There was no stopping her. Bianca swept around like the fairy of tears. The blonde Latina caught Naomi in her embrace before the militant black woman could escape.

On cue, Bianca burst out into tears. Triggered, Naomi let a few tears drop more freely. Then Foodie burst out into open tears. Hannah, the last woman to hold out, turned away and wiped at her eyes.

Zarian looked left and right at the tear fest. Then he saw something misting around Gilbert’s eyes.

The wizard was about to ask if Gilbert was okay when the healer muttered, “Why the lake, though? Why, Lord, why?”

Zarian held in a chuckle.

Para reached over with strands of the cloak. She formed multiple hands and patted each of the girls and ladies.

Once the tear-fest ended, they had more of the cake and settled for the night under the many stars and moons.

The moment sunrise arrived, the Star System raged with a constant stream of dinging in Zarian’s head. Everybody else had the same incessant ‘dings’ going off in their heads.

The Star System wanted all of its notifications acknowledged.

“Alright, let’s do this!” Zarian cheered as fresh meat sizzled on the stoves, breakfast on its way.

The Princess Cook remained at her magical kitchen while the Floridians gathered in a circle with bean bag chairs or a throne.

The focus remained on the Floridians themselves. Zarian would check on Foodie’s personal growth later.

He also had a specific request for her, since her role was more of a floater compared to the five of them. Foodie’s adventures could co-assign with theirs or lead to her working on her own things.

She was a free goblin now, regardless of her being his daughter. As for the magic stat growth from her cooking, they could only really take advantage of that occasionally. The bonus stats from a feast provided by Foodie worked best after hard and long adventures, anyway.

In fact, because she was a Darkrun, Zarian felt some measure of sending her off for a while. Darkruns needed to freewheel a bit and figure themselves out. She also had the typical start as a female Darkrun with having a lot of power at a young age that came at a cost, so everything checked out.

He would figure something out with his daughter later. It was time to focus on himself and his party.

“Main quest and other quests first. Then achievements, then skill levels, and then the rest. Let’s go,” Zarian said from his parasite throne, the giant black sword leaning against it on the left.

Everybody showed different degrees of excitement. Some, if not all of them, might become Master Rankers if they reached Level 100.

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